"If you want to be respected by others
the great thing is to respect yourself.
Only by that, only by self-respect will
you compel others to respect you."
A quote by Dostoyevsky. But I mean, yeah, Aretha Franklin made a contribution too so I am not getting all philosophically anal here. But seeing it.....and reading about self-respect again, I started thinking about what it really means. And it kinda scared me. What I did/do to myself (just spending money, not saving anything, being TOTALLY dependent on the monthly paycheck - and when it suddenly stopped - found myself going to the bank with all the loose change I had lying around and once again, selling some expensive bags to be able to buy the daily necessities such as cigarettes. You'd think this would be a good time to quit smoking, wouldn't you? It'd save me close to 4 euros per day. But alas - no. ) Anyways - I am trying to analyze my actions here. I guess I don't have much self-respect:
I can't think ahead (have not been capable of putting away even 100 bucks a month so that I had a bit of a pad)
and put myself again and again in a situation where I am dependent on someone else's generosity. Plus - its like sooo retarded having financial troubles. It just so smells of absolute stupidity and pathetic - ness. It just doesn't have that halo of martyrdom that some terminal illness has. (ok, ok, its not funny - I know. Besides, getting sick or not is kinda twist of fate while an giving in or not to an addiction remains to a large extent under our use or lack of control. But we do have the power to do something about it) Or being an alcoholic or a drug addict. Sounds much more romantic than being completely fucking broke. At least it does to me.
"Hey I am broke because I love to buy really expensive bags to that I can keep up with all the glossy celebs in the glossy mags - because it just makes me feel better to carry an expensive bag and shit like that" Which means - lightbulb! - spending is an addiction like anything else. Wow. How fucking smart am I? Like DUH! So, just keep it mind. I mean, me - keep it in mind.
So - indeed, I must achieve more self-respect.
And make a whole lot of money while I doing it. And maybe like saving some? What a great idea!